In this issue:

Zen thoughts
Short conversations
Scary stories
A koan from Lotos
Home Task
To the reader

Brothers, if I hurt you, I'll do it regretfully.

Zen Help

weekly Internet magazine
chief editor: Klein



I congratulate all brothers in zen of woman-girl descent on the Holiday – the 8th of March! :)))) For all other brothers in zen I remind that they also descend from women.

What is a woman, brother in zen? A woman – she is like a chipmunk, like a squirrel… One should love, caress and admire her. Well, and do all the rest… - do not wait for recipes from me!.. Do not listen open-mouthed like this…

I congratulate everyone on the Holiday!

Klein. :))


Zen thoughts

The main things that a Zen follower needs to know about women

I write it for you especially on the occasion of the Holiday. “Do not joke with women – these jokes are silly and indecent” (c) Kozma Prutkov. The one who jokes with women ALWAYS gets it in the neck. Immediately! Violating Basic Laws of the Universe is always dangerous. So – understand it and pull yourself up!

The second: Men can get knowledge about a huge piece of the world – sex, love – only from women. And women – from men. It's such a double spiral, much like DNA spiral. It's an informational symbiosis. :)) Be friends!

And the third: The woman always sees the world in another way than you do. It's her that you see all the time! And in HER world there's always your dumb face. Understand it and try to look more decently. At least on holidays. Make the world better for your beloved!

Mandatory actions

Look, I'll spelling it for you: No-bo-dy, no-thing for-ces no-one to con-struct his ad-van-ce-ment af-ter a-ny mo-del!… The-re are no man-da-to-ry actions, operations, maneuvers that everybody must perform under the fear of not reaching heaven, his goal, Knowledge and so on. Why, do you torment your wife?! the one you love?!

I repeat: IF TWO PEOPLE DO THE SAME THING – THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY DO THE SAME THING! There are two interesting consequences from it for us now: 1) If you repeat another person's actions (for example, mine) you will come, mildly speaking, to a place quite different from where I will come!… Moreover, as long as I create my actions and you just copy them, I have – at least - a chance to succeed and you have not. Not a single one! :)))) and 2) To get the same result (which you like, for example) – you have to do something quite different… And what did you think???!!! :)))))) A desire to use ready-made solutions (to the most difficult – I draw your attention – questions), believing that a set of some definite “standard” (and therefore – rough) actions will guide you to the unique and thinniest result – this is an addiction to the free stuff, a tendency to laziness and to “plane” stupidity at the same time… :)))


I wish you joy, happiness, well-being, family cosiness, and all – for free! And only for you! You want it, don't you? :)))) No-o-o-o-o?… :)))))))))

You are so good!

Once I wrote a MEDITATION SPELL in “Sedition-yoga”. Here is its text “You are so good! You are 1000 times better than me! Now I have understood it completely!

It goes without saying that it works. When a man says it – he calms down. When a woman hears it – she calms down. Peace and friendship reign. Smiles jump out of them both and fall right into each other's hearts like tender highly energetic waves… Causing love, of course! How else a spell should work, I wonder?… :)))))

By the way, for those who enjoy studying magic I report that we are talking about black magic, of course… :))) White magic does not use ANY spells. :))))))))))))) Is it news for you?! :)))))) Well, then you are a real black mage! :)))))) We shall talk about the difference between black and white magic later, and now I'll tell you only one thig – the difference is different from what you think. :)) By the way, write me what you think :))))) klein@zen.ru :)))))))


Love her. Drag her. Do not let her perish. Love her. Cane her. Drag… But look – if you strike her for nothing even once :)))) … endeavor! You are the mAin responsible person, aren't you?… or who is?


Short conversations< /P>


"I can’t live without you!"

- Have you never been exasperated by hysterical phrases like “I can’t live without you!!!!!!!”? :)

- No. :)) To be more exact – I do not remember... :)) Well, it's been along time since - well, how can I be exasperated by this? :)))

Greetings to the beautiful girl!

- Greetings to the beautiful girl!

- The same from me! Greetings to all beautiful girls.

- “Greetings to the beautiful girl” is NOT the same as “Greetings to all beautiful girls”. Coward.

The reason of cretinism

- Yesterday I missed a great opportunity to get acquainted with two charming nymphs. What a cretin! :)

- Yes. A cretin. Have you understood the reason of your cretinism?

- The reason is in me, of course. But I have not understood :)

- “In meeeee…” – you are generalizing, wishing to present yourself nicely and safely… :)) COWARDICE! Cowardice is the reason of your cretinism! :))))

One of the motives

- OThis was one of the motives that led me to buddhism and zen - to love without being attached, to love without suffering, to love without throwing it all away because of impossibility to take everything into my full and permanent possession :))))

- OK :)) It doesn't matter through what you enter :)))


Scary stories


ST Kemerovo. Siberia. http://st.cyberp.kuzbass.net/

At a building yard

They say that one day Klein, walking about a building yard, stumbled over the physical body of an aborigine who was practicing sinzen. “Couldn't you find another place to sprawl!” – he thought shaking off, but did not say anything. "It's good for you that you're not roller-skating blindfold here!” – the aborigine thought in response. And although he didn't say anything either, someone in the Upper World liked this thought.



A network folklore character. Does not exist.


Lying meditation. Accompanied by rhythmical pronouncing of the sacred sound “Hrrrr”. Widely used in donotcareness (see below).


(From Japanese careno-do, literally “the path of universal childishness”). The system of anti-philosophical, counter-cosmogonical, ice-proof practices, which stop the CNS religiousing, prevent early brain evangelisation and strengthen hair roots. Evil tongues call it “Zen of Thus and Otherwise Come ”(see below).


The same as “bucket-kicker”. Stops a person's earthly existence once and for all. Doesn't give a damn about all theories such as reincarnation or holy kingdom.

Home Task

Exercise ¹2

Let’s go back to the MEDITATION SPELL… :))) It is important that the spell itself is a foundation for the higher-order magic. Let’s try to approach it :))) Approach it only just a little… :)))


If you have told her “You are so good! You are 1000 time better than me! Now I have understood it completely!” what must she say to tell you THE SAME?

Three variants of the answer:

1. You are so good! You are 1000 times better than me! Now I have understood it completely!

2. I am so good! I am 1000 times better than you! Now I have understood it completely!

3. You are so bad! You are 1000 times worse than me! Now I have understood it completely!

Which is the right one? :))) How to see it right? :))) Is there no “right”? :))))))))))))))))))))))) Prove! And remember “Prove it or not – anyway you will get ch'an” :)))) If you do it right, of course…:))))) And if NOT right – probably you will get something different. :)))) As usual …


A koan from Lotos

The Drum

A New Russian comes to a music shop and tells the shop assistant: “Listen, man… here… I want your advice… I need somethig really cool…” The shop assistant: “There we go – a Stradivari drum! Have you ever heard?…” – “Stradivari? Well, I've really heard about him, sure… go give it to me”. The New Russian brings it to his office, but his pals just laugh at him. “Hey, you've been fooled like a sucker!… Stradivari…! He used to make violins!…”

The New russian goes back to the shop: “Hey, man? Stradivari, didn't he make violins?!” – “Violins” – the shop assistant answers, - “violins, he made them for jerks! And for the really tough guys – he made Drums!”


To the reader

Dear reader! All the best and great to you! …Momento Marcho Otto! And of drumo! Kl :))

I congratulate Alika, Cora, Ty, Galya, master of zen Olson, Olka and Vika on the 8th of March! Be blooming! Klein. :)))))

Translated by Stas, VT, and Anya Zykova.


4 << 5 >> 6


Copyright © 1999-2002 Zen.ru, ZenRu.org

Zen Chan teachings Ch'an Buddhism Buddha teaching human development technology budda budism budizm buddizm buddhizm discussion community phylosophy zen message board forum life style zen living zen practice